


Foobsnark

by MrToddWilkins (orphan_account)



Series: Background works [5]
Category: For Better or For Worse (Comics), None - Fandom
Genre: Snark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:07:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MrToddWilkins
Summary: Will orphan this and post a version with separate comments chapters.
Series: Background works [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1449949





	1. March 5,2005

Okay, so today's (Saturday's) strip was one of the fastest problem resolutions I've EVER seen in FOOB, and that's saying a lot. Lovey must be independently wealthy, and just renting apartments to avoid loneliness, if she really values Saint Mike and his family above profit. And Mrs. Dingle seemed to be the same way: liking to have young people around because she had no life of her own. Lynn and her "it's kind neighbors and landladies that make the world go 'round" attitude is so unrealistic!

————

Wait, so, are Mrs. Dingle and Lovey two different people? Oh dear. Was Mrs. Dingle Mike and Weed's old landlord? I think I got them mixed up along the way.  
  
And really...who would want Mike and Deanna living near them, anyway? Seems like their kids make a real racket.  
  


Mrs. Dingle is the one who had the stroke last year. She was Mike and Weed's landlord in London, ON, when they were in college. She had scraggly gray hair and no glasses. Lovey is the one who prepared Mr. B. for burial when he was accidentally sent to Mike and Dee's as part of a "food drop". She has dark hair and dark glasses, and is prone to saying stuff like "Oy!" so we know she's ethnic.  
  
And yeah, I would think two screaming kids whose parents are completely unable to rein them in would be a liability, not an asset.  
  


Thanks--that clarifies the landlady situation a lot for me. I guess the Lovey thing happened during the months where my computer was dead and I was only getting the newspaper 3 days a week...missed quite a few strips. Here I thought Lovey and Mrs. Dingle were the same person this whole time....


	2. March 5,2005 (2)

  
So it's obvious, at least to Moira, that Elly is losing her grip. And is it me, or does that kid in the fourth-to-last panel, the one wiping his nose, look an awful lot like Jesse, Breath From Lizard's pupil?

—————

I don't think that's Mira, it's the store assistant. Anyway, I bet they're setting up for Elly to quit and become a full-time grandma, so she can devote herself to making Mike and Deanna's lives easier.

————

Of course,I generally don't think of Sunday strips as "canon", unless they're specifically tied to events in the dailies, like weddings, births and deaths. Recently, we've seen Elly at home when in the dailies she was in Mtwhatsit, and am uninjured Liz when in the dailies she was being pulled to school on a sled.   
  
But it could indeed be that Elly is going to retire. Then again, it could be just another case of Elly bitching about inconsequential stuff (Christmas music, voicemail). I do remember that the summer before last, Elly was opposed to the idea of Dr. John retiring, because he seemed to think she would retire as well, "and I'd just be tired". But who knows.

———-

Okay, I know Sunday strips have nothing to do with the storyline, but this has got to be the _most unfortunate placing ever_. I mean, have we even seen Elly back from Mtwhatsit yet? I think Lynn took a couple hits to many from the peace pipe or something. And, of course, it's another polar opposites strip. Why does everything have to be horrible or peachy keen?


	3. March 6,2005

Aha! Further proof that Therese (sorry, don't know how to do accents) is evil! She doesn't want gifts, just money! But...who has a baby shower two weeks after the birth? Could it be that she wants to offset the hospital bill? No, can't be: Canada has socialized medicine.  
  
And "quotes" and an "an'" in the third panel. "Outside" visitors? Outside what? Is Elly even close enough to the Caines (that's Anthony's last name) to want to visit? Wait, what am I saying? Of course SuperGrandma has to make an appearance at every new mom's bedside!  
  
But hey, don't sweat it, Therese: Liz is way too busy up in the frozen North to come down to steal your husband and newborn baby. And "Francoise"? What I wonder is, why haven't we heard Therese making catty remarks in French, secure in the knowledge that whitebread Liz will never recognize the words for bitch, whore and man-stealing strumpet.  
  
Also, look at panel 4. April, don't put your hands in your pocket and slouch forward like that; it makes you look like you have a gut. And, when you pensively prop your chin on both hands with elbows on the table, then abruptly stand upright, don't you get dizzy?

————-

Darn that Therese! Not wanting a hoarde of non-family stomping through your hospital room when you're very tired and quite possibly not feeling well! How dare she want bonding time with her family!  
  
Don't they send new moms home within a day or so if there's not a problem?  
  
But, yeah, the post birth shower's strange. It's not like they didn't know she was pregnant.  
  


We do post-birth showers in my own community (Ashkenazi Jews), because of a very old superstition - buying too much or receiving gifts for the baby, before the baby arrives, supposedly calls down bad luck on the child. You set up the nursery immediately after the birth, and have baby showers after the baby's born, in case something goes wrong in the last month or so.

Yes, this Canuck of more-or-less WASPish ancestry was also told that it was bad luck to hold or even schedule a baby shower prior to the birth of the child.  
  
And if there are no complications, Therese and the baby should be out of the hospital within 48 hours. Let them get some sleep, Elly!  
  


I always thought having a baby shower after the baby was born was more logical that way you don't buy a whole bunch of boy things and the mom has a girl or vice versa. The advent of Ultrasound has changed that I guess, but ultrasound can still be wrong. Plus the baby shower after the fact gives people the chance to meet the baby in one fell swoop instead of people stopping by everyday or so for weeks to meet the baby...and mom is tired and out of sorts.  
  
Now asking for cash instead of gifts well..now that is tacky. Just to be snide I'd donate cash to some, adopt a tree or whale thing and say...this is what I did with the cash. But, I'm mean like that. You might think you have everything you need for baby Therese, but when you get home with the little tyke, you'll find you don't have half enough. See how Lynn has made Therese extra evil, she's insinuating that she is the only person she knows with good taste and that SHE will do the gift purchasing, because well, you'll just give her something tacky that she'll have to donate to charity ala' Mike and Dee.  
  


—————

I can't imagine why Therese would invite the Pattersons to her baby shower. Or, why they would want to go. Elly and April blame Therese for Liz's accident, so why would they attend anything for her?  
  
Maybe Tracey's just being presumptuous and inviting a bunch of people that aren't invited. It'll be a huge foobish scandal, which will prove that the Pattersons are saints and Therese is the tacky evil of Canada.  
  


———-

I've decided that I will view this from the Therese-centric version of FOOB someone brilliant suggested on FT. What really happened is that Tracy brought Anthony and Therese her old baby stuff. It turns out that Therese had a rough labor, and her feelings about spending time with the baby have changed, so both she and Anthony are going to take some parental leave. Since their income will be greatly reduced, Therese thanked Tracy and innocently told her, gee, we have everything we need now except money! Somehow this got twisted in the Patterson's shower invite from an offhand comment to a rude request. Poor Therese, so misunderstood.


	4. March 7,2005

“An'"s: Four.  
  
Lynn overdoes it with drawing characters talking with their eyes closed, IMO. It gives the impression of smugness, which is bad enough when it seems to be intentional, as when Elly says, "I'm going to set up on your couch for three days!". But why on earth does April close her eyes while telling Liz that Francoise is "gonna be fair an' freckled like her dad"? Perhaps she's rubbing it in that Liz missed her chance to make a baby with Anthony that would share her goddess-like characteristics?  
  
And Liz thinks money is "so impersonal". Well, what would she have sent anyway? A dreamcatcher? A container of moose stew?  
  
And what is up with April's hair?! She looks like an extra from Wigstock! Check out panel two: smugly closed eyes AND hair of such an altitude that it has to be supported by a pillow! Does she own a copy of "Pricilla Presley's Guide to Coiffure"?

—————

You KNOW Liz would have sent something Meaningful. Heh, maybe that's why Therese went the money route. If that's the case, I can see her point :D  
  
And thank you for that little homily at the end, April. You couldn't say "Yeah, we thought it was tacky, but what are you going to do?" like the rest of us.  
  
Thank God, the baby will be blond as opposed to dark like Therese. It looks more like a Patterson that way.

————

Well, it's safe to say that the evilization of Therese is still in full swing.  
  
I wish Therese and Anthony had asked for money to set up a college fund for the kid, but you know it's going to end up being spent on a pair of pumps and a matching handbag. Because eeevil French Canadians do that. It sure sucks not being in love a Patterson, doesn't it? You either love them and are a good person or not love them and are terrible soul-suckers. Or you're Becky, which is a different brand of evil altogether.

—————

Today's last panel... argh. I think I've evolved a new set of eye muscles simply for the purpose of rolling my eyes at these foobs. Lynn simply cannot resist the urge to preach. It's a comic strip (key word: comic) but she thinks a punchline is a waste of space when she could insert a wise lesson instead. It's really getting to the point where I can't stand reading FOOB.

—————-

Nah, Liz is, like, nearly a native in Mtwhatsit. She would've sent _fish_, which is what they use up there instead of money.


	5. March 8,2005

  
“An'"s: None.

Gratuitous "quotes": None.

Improper punctuation: Three times. Panel one: Dash following an exclamation mark, and unnecessary comma. Panel two: Dash following a period.

Okay, so Elly is so grossly offended by Therese's breach of etiquette, she's sending her fifty bucks. Huh. And she's so mad she's gleeking! Look at her sealing the envelope!

Meanwhile, April is going to the shower, with a gift. Is she even invited? I'd like to think that this will lead to some conflict with Therese: "You tell your sister to keep away from my husband!" "Therese, don't be such a foob! She broke her leg tryin' to get away from you!" I don't have much confidence that we'll get any kind of resolution here, BUT, the fact that the last panel is focused on April, rather than Elly's reaction, leads me to think that we will see her there, whatever comes of it.

I do have to say, I like the "rripp" sound effect when Elly's tearing the *cheque* out of the *chequebook*. Meanwhile, April looks as if she's never seen such an action before. But that device in panel one is SO tired. Never in my life have I asked my parents "Whatcha doing?" when they're engrossed in paperwork. If they wanted me to know what they were doing, they would have told me without being asked. Otherwise, I knew enough to stay away; you don't want to get in my dad's face when he's balancing the checkbook.

————-

No, no, see, Therese will now think that _April_ is after her husband. I'm betting rumours of April's bad reputation (from "hanging out" with that Becky slut!) have found their way to Therese's ears...maybe _this_ will be the "Clash of the Titans"?  
  


Ooooh I like that!  
  


—————

The _hell?_ I reread that strip about three times with my jaw hanging open to see if there was something I missed.

Once again, why the hell does April care? She doesn't know these two aside from possibly having met them through Liz, certainly not well enough to go to their baby shower _alone._ What's she going to do there anyway - everyone else is going to be around Liz's age talking about babies and (because this is the foobverse) how pathetic they are if they don't have any yet. And why would she be expected to give them a gift at all? Wouldn't she be considered part of the family since she's still a kid and still lives with them?

  
April knows Anthony fairly well. She babysits Gordon and Tracey's kids, which leads to sometimes hanging around the garage when she's not babysitting. Since Anthony works for G&T, this puts April in contact with him. Shortly before Anthony's wedding to Therese, he and April had a several-strip conversation. He gained several cool points in my estimation when April asked, "Is Gordon rich?" and he replied, "That's a rude question, and I don't intend to answer it." (I forget if that was before or after April blabbed that Liz had to find an escort to the wedding because Warren "took off".)

But the Therese connection, I don't get. April has only mentioned her in a derogatory way in her monthly letters; I can't imagine that she'd want to go to any gathering that's held in her honor. And you're right: why would she even want to go, when she deemed the story of Robin's birth "gross"? If she doesn't like that kind of talk, a baby shower is something she should actively avoid.

————-

What's wrong with being a passive-aggressive little sneak who go around deliberately exacerbating an already tense situation?

I've been going to baby showers my whole life, so it's not so implausible for April to be going to Therese's to me. I think Anthony is, in general, pretty close to the Pattersons. They may not be the kind of friends who phone each day, but I think they're the kind of friends where an invitation is expected for major events like births, marriages and funerals.


	6. March 9,2005

An'"s: None.  
  
Gratuitous "quotes": One, with an underline. (I don't count "baby sister" being in quotes, since April is throwing it back in Mike's face.)  
  
Mike, don't be such a dick. Elizabeth is a college graduate and a school teacher, living on her own. Anthony is a married man, an accountant or whatever he is, and he was a teenager when you met him. Neither of them is a little kid. Your DAUGHTER is a little kid: surely an insightful, educated person such as yourself can see the difference? Don't give April that bitchface like you do in panel 5.

————-

How far apart are Mike and Elizabeth in age, though? It's just a couple of years, right? So if she's a "little kid" to him, then what is he.....or is that wishful thinking on Mike's part?  
  
Also, in the first panel, I read "Anthony Caine" as "Anthonycaine", like it's some new form of novocaine. How appropriate, because this whole "Therese is a money-grubbing whore" storyline is leaving me quite numb. Bah.

When April was born, Mike was 15 and Liz was 10.  
  


————

I don't really blame Mike for still thinking of the people he knew as a kid that were younger than him as still young - after all, isn't practically every older sibling convinced of the inferiority of their younger siblings because they're not as "grown-up" as they are*? Most older siblings try to ditch their younger siblings at one point or another because they don't want to hang around with uncool little kids. We practically train ourselves to think of younger siblings as really young, and it's hard sometimes to get out of that mind frame.  
  
That said, the strip still sucks. Why the Hell is April trying to prove how grown-up she is by listing the things that she will be able to do **one day**? Seriously, yo. "One day, off in the future, I'll be fourteen! And one day, off in the future from that, I'll be able to drive! And guys check me out now! In fact, there's an entire webpage devoted to counting down the days until I turn eighteen!"


	7. March 10,2005

An'"s: None.  
  
Gratuitous "quotes": None.  
  
Misspellings: One. The word is p-i-e-r-o-g-i-e-s, Lynn.   
  
Okay, so Lovey walks in without waiting to be admitted, and brings food. If Mira did that, she'd be lynched. I wonder why the stem of the talk balloon where either Mike or Deanna greets her looks like a duodenum? And she certainly is modest: "You're so kind." "I know!"  
  
Two velcro kids: Merrie clinging to Deanna's leg, and Robin gumming April's shoulder. Is it me, or does that kid have a really weirdly shaped head?   
  
Funny: Usually when cartoonists age, they start drawing their strips in fewer panels. This is the third FOOB strip this week to have *five* panels instead of four. And could that fourth panel be any more crowded? No wonder Mike and Dee have to move!  
  
Last panel? Beyond lame. Anyway, why should they have to come by when they're *ready* to sign the lease? It's in their hands; they should come by when they *have* signed it.  
  



	8. March 11,2005

An'"s: None.  
  
Gratuitous "quotes": None.  
  
Improper use of punctuation: Panel 3. Dash following a comma.  
  
Five panels again.  
  
Well, another Saturday strip that sums up the week. First panel states that they're going to move into the apartment above the current one because it's bigger. I said on FT that Lynn makes a habit of this, the same way the soap opera strips sum up the week's events in the Sunday strip.  
  
And our insightful April is finally the one to state it in plain language: Pattersons are just plain good to have around. Like Smuckers jam or fresh brewed coffee, they make every day special.  
  
Deanna is standing in the foreground, but with her back to the reader, in panel 3, the better to display her ample hips. And judging by the swish marks in front of Robin's pacifier mean, he's sucking hard, Maggie Simpson-style.  
  
Now, the last panel, I don't get. I didn't detect any sarcasm in what April said. Perhaps it would have played better in live action. At any rate, we get a break from the usual plinky-plunky-music-of-life ending: instead, we get slapstick!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will orphan this and post a version with separate comments chapters.


End file.
